Horoscopes for the Socially Ambitious

by Jessica Lohafer

I am quickly discovering that I shouldn’t have so much time off. Working in a bar has completely thrown off my schedule, and I feel useless. I’d like to say I spent the day working on my full length manuscript; instead, I finished season 6 of How I Met Your Mother. Champion status over here. Regardless, I did manage to write a poem. It may or may not be about skinning my knee in a club last weekend, and being a baby about getting it disinfected. Anyways, I’m still on track. This is for one of my favorite ladies; let’s call it a housewarming gift.


Day 2


They hold her down
right leg straining
against the hydrogen peroxide
A burst of profanity
No, oh no, please God,
let it be someone else.

She keeps her hands steady
certain like her heart
A tuned violin, prompting
its use with good looks
She tells her to stay still
Not to push into so many changes
not when things have been as busy
as they always are

Just give it a minute, baby,
it will be over before you know it.